Are you judging your emotions?

We all judge our emotions from time to time and we also judge how we react to our emotions.

One of the reasons we judge emotions as bad or negative is because it can feel unpleasant it creates uncomfortable sensations in our bodies.

When a bully says something unfairly to you, you get that strange feeling in your tummy. Then your mind goes crazy with thoughts which you choose to either ignore or act on?

Our bodies are clever as it can tells us whether it’s danger or something exciting is about to happen. Sometimes it is hard to tell what it is and sometimes we don’t like these types of sensations because we are unsure what to feel.

On the other hand, we do like pleasant sensations so naturally we would want more of those happy exciting feelings.

If you judge an emotion as good you’ll probably try hard to get more of it, and if you judge it as bad you’re apt to try even harder to get rid of it.

However judging sets you up for a struggle with your feelings.

Does that make sense?

What if you encourage yourself to let go of judging your feelings altogether and see them for what they are – a stream of constantly changing sensations and urges continuously passing through your body.  

 

Just because some of these sensations and urges are uncomfortable doesn’t mean they’re bad.

For example

if you grew up in a family where people didn’t openly express love and affection then you may find loving feelings uncomfortable.

Would those feelings mean it’s bad for you?

Isn’t this interesting that many people judge fear as a bad emotion yet they will pay good money to watch a horror movie or read a thriller story or book.

So, no emotion in itself is bad, bad is just a judgement made by our thinking self. If we fuse that thought and if we literally believe that the feeling is bad then naturally we will struggle with it all the harder,and we know where that leads.

Any diffusion strategy can help you deal with unhelpful thoughts about your feelings.

Let me explain

Let’s suppose your mind says ‘I can’t stand this feeling’

do you find yourself saying this?

If you do you could then acknowledge this feeling by saying ‘I’m having the thought that I can’t stand this feeling’ or you could say ‘Thanks mind’ meaning saying thanks to your mind.

Sometimes we are not aware of what we are saying about that feeling inside our body.

If you are being bullied you know you are going to get that uneasy feeling in your tummy.Your whole mind goes into chaos because you don’t know what to do or what to think, you’re thinking all sorts of things.

This is a little tricky however it is important to take notice of what you are saying about a feeling in your gut…

One strategy for dealing with judgements is to label them as such. For example, let’s imaging your mind says ‘ This anxiety is terrible’ you could then acknowledge yourself, ‘I’m making the judgement.

Or let’s say your mind says ‘this guilt is awful, you could then acknowledge ‘I’m making this judgement ‘this guilt is awful’

I know it sounds a little weird, but think about it, it makes sense…

Judging is one of the most common ways that our mind adds to our emotional discomfort, however there are plenty of others.

I have listed below common questions that your mind asks or comments that it makes which often stir up or intensify unpleasant feelings.

Why am I feeling like this?

Do you say this to yourself at times “gosh why am I feeling like this… “ the question sets you up to run through all your problems one by one, seeing if you can pinpoint what caused your feelings.

Naturally this will make you feel worse because it creates a scenario that your life is nothing but problems it leads to a lot of time lost in unpleasant thoughts.

Would this kind of thinking help you to process in a practical way? Does it help you to take action to change your life for the better?

Here are a few statement that we tend to say to ourselves when we make a judgement on our feelings.

What have I done to deserve this?

Can you hear yourself say this?

I know we all tend to say this when we are in a situation “what is it that I did to deserve this treatment”- your mind is going crazy because you’re trying to pinpoint what it is.

This question sets you up for self-blame. You repeat the bad things you’ve done so you can figure out why the universe decided to punish you. You end up feeling worthless, or bad and again does this help you in any practical way?

Why am I like this?

Now this question leads you to search through your entire life history looking for the reason why you are the way you are. This kind of thinking leads to feelings of anger, resentment and hopelessness. It often ends in blaming your parents.

Again does this help you in any practical way?

I can’t handle this?

Have you ever at one time said to yourself ‘I can’t stand this’, ‘I can’t handle this’ or ‘ I can’t cope with this it’s too overwhelming’ or ‘I’m going to have a nervous breakdown’.

Your mind is basically feeding you the story that you’re too weak to handle this and something bad is going to happen if you keep feeling this way. Is this a helpful story to pay attention to?

I shouldn’t feel like this?

Your mind picks an argument with reality. The reality is the way you are feeling right now, however your mind says ‘reality is wrong! It’s not supposed to be this way. Can you ever win an argument with reality?

What is your reaction when a bully says something to you in a harsh tone how do you react to it what is it you feel?  

Its important to recognise how you feel so you can work on this 

Now you can see what I mean how you struggle with judging our emotions. Be aware of your thoughts and how you judge them…

And, remember I believe in you

much love

Ronni xx