Don’t Expect Others to Read Your Mind
We’ve all been there.
We’ve all needed help and wished someone would see our need and feel compelled to fill it. We do so much for others without asking for anything in return, and wish our efforts would be validated when we need assistance.
This simply isn’t practical, and is the root cause for many of the issues that come out on a therapist’s couch.
In order to receive help, we need to actually articulate our need – and get specific about it.
We can’t expect anyone to read our mind.
Only a very small segment of the population can be micro-focused enough to see when someone needs help and be able to make things easier without being prompted.
The theory called The Diffusion Of Responsibility states that people are less likely to take responsibility and do something if others are present.
There is a sense that someone else will surely step in and take the lead. Without the ask, the need remains unmet.
So, why don’t people ask for help? Reasons like:
- Fear
- Pride
- Being Overwhelmed
- Confusion
I can very much relate to this, I used to always be afraid to ask for help, each time I had asked for help the answer was always ‘no’ especially when I really needed the help.
The most effective course of action to get support is knowing what you want, being prepared for help, and asking for help.
Know what you want.
This seems simple – but is it?
You may know you want help cleaning the house, and you likely have a running list in your head of the chores that could be done.
In order to ask for help, your recruits will need to know which chores need to be covered and what your expectations are for their completion. The more specific you are about what you need, the better.
Be prepared for help.
Before you ask, be prepared.
Have what you need on hand for the people supporting you. Do you need any physical items to get the help you need?
Will the people supporting you need resources to help?
Know what is needed to get the job done, and be ready with it when the time comes. You may have a running list in your head of what it takes to get the task completed, but that info has got to be transferred to the people helping you out.
Ask for help.
Be direct. This doesn’t mean being forceful, bossy, or rude. Just be direct. For example: “I need help getting Sarah to school on Tuesday morning, would she be able to catch a ride with you if I have her ready to go at 7:00 am?”
In this scenario, you are stating what you want, specifying that you will have your daughter ready at a very specific time, and being direct about what you need for support.
All the bases are covered.
When life feels overwhelming, we may need a hug – and we will certainly need help.
Confusing the need for emotional support with material support can be dangerous. If you need help, understand that people can’t read your mind.
They will likely be supportive if you know what you need, are prepared for them to help, and you ask them directly for their help.
Always ask in a polite manner and be firm if you need to…
and remember, I believe in you
much love
Ronni xx
Imagine what a world it would be if we all just new how to respect each other and communicate properly. I know so many fights that’s not only happening to others but also those I am involved in happen a lot because of poor communication. Be open to difficult conversations, thats something I’ve taught myself this year.
Communication is very important, something I have yet to master. I’ve realized along the way how important it is to know how to properly communicate what you want and how you feel. I got insulted once when my partner said it was rude to keep all emotions bottled inside and pop out when everything is full. He has been very patient with my growth, but it is indeed correct, “don’t expect other to read your mind.” Communicate fellas! Properly communicate, that is.
This is so important, thank you for this. I feel like this will really help impact others who are struggling and need help, whatever kind of help that may be. As someone who has had declining mental health the last few months, I related to the feelings of being overwhelmed and pride that stopped me from getting help for so long. I just finally had my first appointment ever with a psychotherapist. and it feels great to finally get a lot of that off my chest. Ask for help, everyone needs it from time to time.