A Life of Silence
Life has unfolded as a very challenging journey for me.
When you’re a teenager, you begin to see and learn new things that perhaps never impacted your life during childhood. For me personally, it was during my teenage years that I fully recognized how I was different from others and would always be different. I was told I would never be able to do what ‘normal’ people can, learning this same lesson over and over again each time I met someone new. Even at the shops, I felt compelled to share my supposed ‘hindrance’ with anyone I encountered and yet most of the time didn’t want to say anything. However, I slowly learned that I should in fact share my story to help other people understand me better. Yes, the old saying is true: the truth will set you free.
I am deaf. I was born deaf and I wear two hearing aids to help me hear better. Without these constant companions, I am unable to hear anything. So, I’m forced to wear them ‘round the clock—except when I go to bed and sleep.
I was only 6 years old when I got my hearing aids. When the hearing specialist put them into my ears, walked away, and flipped a switch, I heard distinct sounds for the first time in my life! When we left the office and walked out into the street, my head spun so fast in all directions as I marveled at the sounds around me: ones I could never make out or knew what they meant before this very moment.
GROWTH
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Discovering sounds escaping from people’s mouths, it was all very strange to me. I stared at their faces and tried to sneak up close just to see how they did that. To me it was amazing, these voices of theirs.
There were so many sounds for me to learn and understand their meaning, and it was difficult to comprehend what every sound meant. At the time, I focused on learning and understanding basic sounds—though this process continues even to this day.
If someone asks me, ‘Ronni, can you hear that?’ I say no because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be listening for. However, if you say to me, ‘Ronni can you hear that bird sound?’ I can stop and really focus on the exact sound, feeling excited over what’s probably a mundane thing for most other people.
Deafness does have its ups and downs ranging from exciting moments to very, very frustrating times when I want to give up! Over the years, my deafness took a huge toll on my self-esteem and confidence because—for a long time —I hated this about me. It was very difficult to get used to the word ‘deaf,’ a word that would summon tears from my eyes because it meant I was different.
I have been judged for most of my life due to my deafness, a condition that brings with it difficulties and depression as we just want to be accepted by other people.
Nevertheless, I’ve learned to do things differently in my proactive approach to successfully overcome this ‘obstacle.’ For example, in speaking with other people, face-to-face contact is particularly important. Another example: If I am at a function or out for dinner with friends or a partner, I need to sit where I can directly see people’s faces. I also rely on subtitles while watching videos or movies and own a tea kettle that automatically switches off instead of emitting that infamous whistling sound. These are just a few small examples of so many things I need to do differently.
Living life as a deaf person is the only life I know, and what I just shared is merely the beginning of my journey.
See you soon for Part Two!